Teenage Pregnancy - A Catch 22

It happens, it's on the decline, it's still relevant! Teen Pregnancy! Just in case you were wondering. There is a television show on the ABC Family Network, The Secret Life of The American Teenager, and there is also the Republican Party's Vice Presidential Nominee's Daughter, and of course yours truly, Me (yeah I know you're shocked, don't worry I was too!). It seems that this issue has kind of been taboo, something that was left up to Planned Parenthood, Educational Seminars giving in the "middle school" grade levels, and to everyone else's parents that should be worried about this, but not you! Right? Wrong! I'll give you a real life story, and then I'll give you a fictional example and then I'll let you decide what to do next!

In the 9th grade, I was in a room full of friends, a couple of hours before a football game that was scheduled for later that Friday night! We were in Marching band! We did the usual routine, we ate, we laughed, we talked and pumped ourselves up for the game, but the only difference between this night and other Friday nights was that I learned something about two of my closest friends that I couldn't believe; I learned that they had, had sex! SEX, I thought to myself, what the hell are they doing, what are they thinking about, are they crazy? Cut to two months later, after pondering on what they had told me and what was being said and the attention that they were getting, I began to get curious, and yep you guessed it! Curiosity killed the cat (pun intended). This guy that had his eyes set on me, made a move and I let him! Not fully knowing what I was doing, and not even sure if I had done something, I let him! And so it was, I was no longer a virgin, imagine my relief to get it over with, because I thought being one was far worst than not being one! Imagine that concept? As I sit here in my "Ugly Chair" (see other blogs and Hubs) I can't believe how ridiculous the thought of just that idea was, but I've lived and I've learned and hopefully this will help someone, just one parent talk to their children, or a friend talk to her friend, or an adult to talk to a teen about the issue.

Now that I had "done the deed" I felt that I could just go on with my life and never think twice about it, boy was I wrong! The word had gotten out to a close guy friend that I had at the moment and it hurt him a great deal along with our friendship, he and I had been best-friends for a long time and not knowing at the time that he wanted to be a little more than that, and you know the more I think about it, the more I wish I would've just consulted him first, because he had been there through so much and I'm sure he would've given me the correct advice! As I stated the word had gotten out and you guessed it, the guy that had his eye on me wanted nothing more from me. I was hurt a great deal and now I had to deal with the questions from everyone (guys and girls), and then I had to try to navigate my way through any other relationships or friendships wondering if the guy wanted to really have a relationship/friendship with me, or if he wanted something more. Please keep in mind that this was just the 9th grade. After just "doing it" one time, look how my life had changed, you would've thought that I learned the lesson. Right? Wrong, again!

After that incident, I didn't feel the need to be promiscuous anymore, I went on with my life, continued to live the way I was before, because finally the word had gotten around that "she wasn't into it" whew, I thought, great! Two years had passed and I had entered the summer before my 11th grade year, I was still playing sports, I was still in Marching Band, I still had enough to do to occupy my mind and divert me away from non-progressive "extra curricular" activities, so all was well. The spring break of my 10th grade year I went to the beach, a close friend and I met these guys that didn't live in Virginia were we lived, but in NC. We had managed to keep a relationship, his family and my family shared some of the same values and opinions. This seemed like a perfect, safe, non-stressful, situation for me, he wasn't at school with me bothering me about what I was doing, or what was going on etc. and vice-versa. Right? Nope, wrong! As I mentioned I was in the summer of my 11th grade year, of course by then I was driving and my mom (whom was a single mother) gave her car to me and she got another. She totally trusted me so I had all of my freedoms, and she didn't have a reason to believe that, that (sex) would be an issue with me. My mom often took me down to see my long distant liker (not love, because could you ever really be in love in high school) and things were good his mother and my mother bonded, things were really good, but then it happened, I was faced with the "whole sex thing again" and so I said sure why not? WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHY NOT, BECAUSE 9 MONTHS LATER I BECAME THE MOTHER OF 6 POUND 11 OUNCE BABY GIRL.

Now as you've read, I was a jock, I played in the band, I didn't have boy-friends, I had friends, I didn't show all of my business to the world, I covered it up with nice fitting close for a girl of my age, I didn't hang in the crowd where all the girls were known for "giving it up". How in the hell is it possible for me to be pregnant, that was the question that plagued me for the later part of my 11th grade year, because although I was pregnant during the beginning of the year, I didn't find out until I was 5 months. Now before you go trying to figure out how it is possible to be pregnant and not know it, I'll solve the equation for you. 16 years old, ill informed, athletic, polycystic ovarian syndrome (which cause irregular menses), and just plain old not expecting to be, you manage to not realize! The way I found out, was that softball season was starting and we had training and conditioning in our gymnasium and we were practicing sliding, and I began to hurt really bad, the next day I went to the emergency room for pain, and there she was my little bundle of joy. When the doctors told me, I felt like the world just stood still for a second, I felt like I was being "PUNKED" fully expecting Ashton Kutcher to come out at any second, but it was 1998 and that show wasn't even on back then, so I guess it was true. I still have a hard time believing it and my 10 year old is downstairs watching the cheetah girls. The rest of that year, I spent ashamed, I spent shocked, I spent in disarray, because I wasn't "that girl" but now my question is; who exactly is she?

Well she's a teen television starlet, well she is the daughter of the vice presidential candidate, she is the sister of an R&B sensation, finally being honest with myself, she is me! And, if we're not careful and more open about Teen Sex then she could end up being your daughter. My motivation for writing this article was because there is a show on T.V. named the Secret Life of The American Teenager, and the main character in this show is a 15 year old. French horn player in marching band and she is pregnant. Her family is well off, she's smart and witty, and very mature for her age, I felt like I was watching my life being played on TV. We are a little different, because of age, but the fact of the matter is "we" weren't the girls that you'd expect to be in that situation.

My mother didn't have a talk with me about sex, not that she was ashamed to, but she just didn't feel the need to talk to me of all the people in the world about sex. I had shown no interest, I wasn't into boys, I was ashamed of my body, I wasn't flaunting my goodies and my personality didn't show evidence of caring about it! Well my advice to parents, adults, and teens everywhere, is to EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED! I've spoken with a lot of parents that just say talking about it may lead to questions; they're ill prepared to answer, or put an idea into their daughter's head that wasn't there before. Well if you don't someone else will! So, I urge you all to not think that way. Of course we want out little girls to remain little girls, and the day we have to have that talk with them, it feels like we've lost them, but the fact of the matter is, is that not only have we've set them up for success, we're keeping them a little bit longer

I've managed to not turn into the stereotypical "teen mom" I've made it, with support of my mother, because she's still convinced that I'm not that girl.(smile). It does feel odd being the youngest mother in my daughter's 5th grade class, and sometimes I do have those same old ashamed feelings that I had at 17 now at 27 but then I remember that I chose differently! I'm not ashamed of my daughter by any means, it just feels like the stares of "is she her sister or her mother" maybe affectingmy daughet, but then I checked in and she's ok with it. I also remember that I'm just as good or better than they are. I have a BA, MA.E. and now I'm working on my Ed.D and I'm well equipped to provide my daughter with opportunities that I didn't have, I have a first hand view of what it was like, and will and am more equipped to, when the time comes prepare her for and how to handle sexual issues and I'm not ashamed in the least bit! Her step-father (whom was my close/best male friend in high school that I mentioned earlier) and I know what I've gone through and though we're not going to try to prevent it (sex, not pregnancy), because girls will be girls and boys will be boys, we understand that all we can do is prepare her. You can take that however you want!

If you have a daughter of any age then of course it can be overwhelming to think about talking to your baby girl about sex, but picture the outcome if you don't! I've dismissed a lot of the odds, but there are women out there, that are my age, that can't seem to rise above the stereo types, and can't seem to just make it, because although I did, it was and will always be very hard to overcome. So, yeah I know it's a bit of a catch 22, because you want to inform them, but you don't want to inform them.

What a shame? Damned if you do and damned if you don't!